i recognize the black woman onstage
she speaks of “the violence of white women”
in the workplace &
i didn’t study this in school maybe I don’t understand
i sleep on four chairs at night
let my futon burst open in the trash: a writhing city of blackbugs
let them have it all i cannot live there
i sleep in the homeless shelter in Providence
the school bus (white) says “we can pick you up last
to save face” but i don’t go to school
i weigh 115 pounds at 25 and people say it’s a good thing (privilege)
i talk with my best friend₁ (white) who worries offers me a paid gig
my best friend₂ (white) who urges me to apply advises me
my friend₃ (white) who recommends me at whose workplace I apply
i tell myself will not make them apologize i talk to them about “>” and “<” (privilege)
sometimes they cover my lunch
i interview with the black woman onstage
when she says “black woman” her voice is a honing call
that rings every body but mine:
(∀) “black woman” ≠ “you”
she says nothing to me not even wrong
i pull a blanket over over me in my four-chair bed
i dream forwards and backwards
i was spanked by my mother
my neck looks like i have hung myself i lie back and think of dying
on underpaid nights
my friend₂ (white) hires me and so
i am alive! i am still alive
i thank her make her, coworker, apologize
tell her all about “the violence of white women”